Coalface

Today I've felt weary. Partly the heat, partly the prospect of change again and a few pointy fingered pressures that have been robbing me of peace. Not that they've needed to. I've just been too polaxed to push them away. Hey ho.

Am reminded of a poem I wrote back in 2010, soon after returning here to live and work longer-term. It was a time of massive change and I remember approaching it with as much boldness and oomph as I could muster.....

At the Coalface
Phnom Penh, Cambodia

Back at the coalface.
Back in the land.
No longer here
Just to look.
Instead it’s time
To take up my pick
And start carving out a life
Unearthing hidden treasures
Locked in years of promise....

Here among the overflow of NGOs
Of missions and churches
Of projects and causes
All with different ways and views.
You can feel the unease
The friction and competition
The wariness and caution
The temptation not to trust.

Yet here I am
Standing at the coalface
Grasping at the words
To define this time.
The more I see and hear
The more my head spins.
The more I think too much
The more I lose my way.

So with pick in hand
I smile at those who sent me,
Who loved me enough
To set me on my way,
And ask that you might pray.
For Strong Arms about me,
Peace deep within me,
And release of the Wildness
That will break the rock.

14/12/10

Good to know that since then rocks have been split open and treasures unearthed. And often at times when I've been at my least bold and oomphy. Those times when rest has given way to Wildness and offered the space for it to do its thing.

Now I sense I'm at another coalface. And I don't seem to have a pick in hand this time.
This time I come at it empty-handed. Feeling slightly foolish and not sure how it's going to pan out. But relieved, all the same, to still be here. And learning to lean in to the freedom of Wildness and let it do its thing.